ive been meaning to make work-related comics forever, so enjoy some choice movie title bastardizations.
(these all actually, seriously, happened, with no humor or awareness on the part of the customer at the time as far as I could tell. so, yes, someone actually asked for a ticket to “Detergent” with a straight face.)
the timid european ground squirrel, stopping to smell the daisies, photographed in vienna by julian rad, who explains, “you have to be at eye level with the squirrels. that means you have to lay on your stomach for quite a few hours in order to get them in front of your lens. you have to make yourself invisible. it is important that they have no indication you are there.” (see also: more precious lil woodland buddies)
But then some characters wouldn’t be allowed to fight at all.
- Yuyuko could just kill you, no warning or anything;
- Yukari could dump you somewhere else;
- Remilia could manipulate fate so your fight never happens (or maybe just fucken bite you I dunno);
- Flandre could make you go *pop*;
- Sakuya could stop time and shank you, then watch you bleed out;
- Mystia could blind you and then eat you;
- Keine could destroy any trace of your history, essentially removing you from existence;
- Youmu could slice you so hard you reach enlightenment (ie die);
- Tewi could manipulate luck so that every attack you make misses her, and every attack she makes hits you critically;
- Suika could disperse into mist to avoid any attack, and then increase her size so she could squash you;
- Reisen could drive you insane with a glance;
- Komachi could dump you in the Sanzu, or manipulate distance so you and her are no longer close;
- Hina could force upon you such misfortune that you trip off of a cliff;
- Nitori could do unquestionable things that would kill you right away;
- Yamame there could hit you with fucken Ebola, or essentially paralyze you;
- Yuugi could flick your head clean off;
- Satori could make you relive your worst nightmares and make you want to kill yourself;
- Orin claims corpses as her own, so if she killed you there’d be no funeral;
- Utsuho would turn you into a nuclear shadow so fast you wouldn’t be able to make a move;
- Koishi could kill you and make it look like an accident (you wouldn’t even know it had happened);
- Kyouko would deafen you, or potentially make your head burst;
- Yoshika could eat you;
- Seiga… I’m not too sure what she could do, but she could also claim your corpse as her own;
- Wakasagihime could drown you if you got close enough;
- Seija Kijin could manipulate you rather easily, turning the fight against you - or she could flip you upside down? Forever? And then you get the dreaded shrinks???;
- Sukuna could increase your size so you couldn’t move, or increase her own size and stomp you;
- Raiko could play your head like a fucken bongo…
Wow, now that I think about it, dat’s a laaaht a characters! And let’s not forget the deadly duo themselves, the main protagonists!
- Reimu could fly out of reality and avoid the fight; otherwise she’s very handy with the amulets, the yin-yang orbs and that gohei, and she ain’t afraid to kick someone in the head if push comes to shove;
- Marisa is to the Touhou series what a blue mage is to Final Fantasy; stealing enemy attacks with wild abandon, training herself to be better than anyone she can meet, being able to fire huge lasers and star clusters
They’re both pretty powerful in their own rights… but compare it to the powers of some of their foes, and you’ve got two dead protags before they enter stage fucken two.
Which is why the Spell Card Rules exists! They make it possible for people who have prepared spells before-hand to have a fair duel with someone who’d aggrieving them. They exist specifically as a handicap - if the Touhou characters were given free reign on how to use their powers, Gensokyo would be empty within a week.
You don’t understand how much I fucking love this post in particular